Assassination Classroom
by Kaede Kayano
Summary: Len Kagamine is part of Class 3-E. What's so special about this class? Well, first, this class is subject to discrimination, but second? They're part of a confidential, top-secret mission - involving the safety of planet Earth.


Assassination Classroom

Chapter 1: Assassination Time

Disclaimer: I own nothing here. ovo

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Len eyed the odd tentacle creature that had slithered into the classroom. How did this happen again? He had no idea. "Now then," the yellow creature spoke. "Let's begin homeroom. Class monitor, on your command."

"S-Stand!" Len stuttered. One moment, the students were all sitting quietly. The next moment, they were all standing, guns in hand. "Attention!" Len said. "Bow!" And then they all began to shoot. The tentacled creature dodged every bullet easily, gracefully, even, and began to take roll call.

"Good morning. I'll be taking attendance, so please, fire all you like." he said. "Shion-kun?" The bluenette spoke. "Present." he said.

"My apologies. I'll need you to speak up, what with all this gunfire." Kaito spoke up a bit louder. "Present!"

"Kamui-kun?"

"Present!"

"Yuzuki-san?"

"H-hai, present!"

"Yowane-san?"

"Present!"

"Nakajima-san?"

"Hai!"

"Suzune-san?"

"Present!"

He continued attendance, until the entire class was exhausted. "Alright." the octopus-like creature said. "Everyone on time, I see. Excellent!" His face turned orange, with a red circle on it, along with a 'Correct!' sound effect. "That makes me very happy."

"He's too fast." Neru complained. Kaito sighed. "So even the whole class al once can't bring him down?"

 _We… are killers. And our target… is our teacher._

"Too bad. Not one of your bullets hit me today, either." the grinning creature said. "Tactics that rely on sheer numbers neglect individual focus. Be it line of sight, barrel position, or finger movement, each of you was far too easy to read. You need to be more inventive!" He waggled a yellow tentacle at them. "Otherwise, you'll never be able to kill me. I can speed up to Mach 20, you know?"

"But, like, see…" Luki said dubiously, while pointing at the yellow teacher. "There's no way you dodged all of those!"

"I mean, these _are_ just BB pellets." Lui chimed in. "You coulda just taken them on the chin." He eyed the BB pellet between his fingers.

Soon, everyone started agreeing, and murmurs of "Yeah!" and "That's right!" could be heard. The teacher sighed. "Very well. Gather up the BBs and hand them over." he said, and Rui handed her BB pistol over.

"I told you: these may be harmless to you…" he demonstrated by blasting off a tentacle. The class gasped. "…but they're special anti-me BB pellets developed by the government." The detached tentacle continued to wriggle around, much to some of the girls' disgust. "If one hits me, it'll slice through my cells like tofu."

"They'll regenerate a few seconds later, of course." he said, his injured tentacle simultaneously healing. "I'm more concerned about you putting a classmate's eyes out. No shooting in the classroom unless you're trying to kill me." His face suddenly turned into a series of vibrant green and yellow stripes. "And I do hope you _can_ kill me - before graduation, that is. Now then, let's put away the arms and ammunition and begin class."

The class groaned, but began putting away the guns and pellets, taking out their notebooks and textbooks instead.

 _At Class 3-E of Kunugigaoka Junior High School, the assassination classroom, the bell signals the start of another school day._

"Now, here's the question: Shion-kun!"

""H-Hai?"

Suddenly, four new colored tentacles emerged: white, blue, pink, and green. The blue was the longest.

"Which one of these four tentacles is not like the others?"

"Eto… the blue one?" Kaito asked hesitantly.

"Correct!" he said, his face morphing into a red circle, and the dinger went off. "The only relative pronoun is "who," in the blue sentence. A relative pronoun modifies the noun right before it, so the clause…"

"Ne , Len!" Gumi whispered.

"And 'who is standing over there' describes the 'boy' here…"

The teacher's voice continued to drone on. Gumi smiled. "The crescent moon's out in broad daylight."

 _How did we end up in this mess?_

 _As we began our third year of junior high, we were greeted by two extraordinary incidents._

 _The first was the sudden explosion that left the moon permanently crescent-shaped._

…

 _ **"We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news…"**_

 _ **"We've just gotten word that seventy percent of the moon has been vaporized into nothing. I repeat…"**_

 _ **"Will we only have a crescent moon to look at for the rest of our lives?"**_

…

 _And the second was his arrival._

"How do you do? I'm the one who tore that chunk out of your moon."

The entire class gaped and went blank-faced.

"I plan to do the same thing to the Earth next year. But until then, I'll be your teacher. Nice to meet you."

They all sweatdropped, thinking the exact same thing: _There are at_ least _six_ _things wrong with this picture!_

 _The feeling was unanimous._

The government official standing next to him spoke up. "Ah, I'm Kiyoteru, from the Ministry of Defense. First, please understand that what I'm about to say is classified information." he said, and then sighed. "Let me be blunt: I want you to kill this creature."

Everyone was… shocked to say the least.

"Um… What's the deal? Is he an alien invader or something?" someone asked.

"How rude! I'll have you know I was born and raised on Earth!" the creature said indignantly, his tentacles waving in annoyance.

 _He was?_

"I'm afraid I can't discuss the details, but he's telling the truth." Kiyoteru said. "And as he said, he won't stop at the moon. Next year…"

"…he will destroy the Earth as well."

"Only the world's leaders know about this. If news of this guy got out there, we'd be looking at a global panic. That's why we have to kill him in secret before it happens." he explained.

"In other words: an assassination. But here's the catch." Kiyoteru took out a knife that looked harmless, but fatal to the creature standing next to him. "His speed is unmatched!" he said, as he tried to take a few swipes at the yellow creature.

"You try to kill him, and he ends up grooming your eyebrows instead - immaculately!" The creature was doing so as he spoke with a relaxed pink face. Kiyoteru continued to pursue him, and the rush of wind from the speed filled the classroom.

"He's a superbeing with enough power to reduce the full moon to a crescent. His speed tops out at Mach 20! In short, if he actually wanted to get away from us, we wouldn't be able to do a thing to stop him." The creature put away his grooming tools.

"But where's the fun in that? So I made your government an offer. They will refrain from attempts on my life. And in return, I'll teach Class 3-E at Kunugigaoka Junior High School."

Len's eye twitched. _What? Why?_

"We don't know what he's after. But we had no choice but to agree, on the condition that he doesn't harm any of you students. We have two reasons for this. First and foremost, if he's coming to a classroom every day to teach, we can keep an eye on him. And second, it gives some thirty people the opportunity to kill him from an extremely close range.

…

A pistol shot could be heard, but the pellet was immediately caught by the creature, with two pieces of chalk. A tick mark appeared on his head, and his face turned red.

"Akita-san. Didn't I tell you not to let assassination interfere with your studies?"

Neru rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Stand at the back for the rest of this lesson and think about what you've done!"

 _"How could you make this creature our teacher? And why are you making_ us _assassinate him?"_

 _These cries faded as one final condition was announced._

 _ **"Your success will be rewarded with ten billion yen."**_

Everyone gasped in disbelief, now eager. "It's only fair." Kiyoteru said. "If you can assassinate him, you will literally save the Earth. Fortunately, he doesn't think much of you." he said, gesturing to the creature's now yellow and green-striped face. "See? Those green stripes mean he's looking down on you!"

"What is he, a chameleon?" someone mumbled.

"Of course I am! If the government can't kill me, how could you?" he said with a derogatory tone.

"Even when they sent their very newest fighter jet after me, all it got was a good waxing from me, right there in midair!"

"What's with all the grooming?" somebody else muttered.

"So while this guy looks down on you. your job is to find an opening in his defenses and strike it. We'll provide you with weapons and ammo that won't hurt humans but _will_ work on him." Kiyoteru said. "You must keep this absolutely secret from your family and friends. There's no time to lose."

Everyone glanced at one another, a bit uneasy. "If the Earth is destroyed, we'll have nowhere left to run."

The grinning teacher nodded. "And that's about it. Well then, I hope you'll make the most of your one remaining year!"

…

 _We only have one year._

 _If we can't assassinate him by then…_

… _the Earth will be history._

The bell rang, signaling lunch. "Ah, lunchtime!" their yellow-faced teacher said, walking over to the window. "I'll just pop over to China for some mapo tofu. If anyone would like to try assassinating me, just call me on my cell." And he blasted out the window, at Mach 20, no doubt.

"Let's see… if he's traveling at Mach 20…" Neru said pensively.

"…it'll take maybe ten minutes to get to Sichuan, the home of mapo tofu." Len finished.

"Guess no missile could shoot _that_ down." Lui sighed.

"Heck, that octopus even grades tests while he breaks the sound barrier!" Luki chimed in.

"Seriously?!"

"He even did a little drawing on mine." Kaito said.

"Isn't he actually a pretty good teacher, though?" Rui questioned.

"He is! I aced my math test thanks to his after-school tutoring!" Yuki exclaimed.

"Yeah, but…" Piko said. "…we a _re_ the E Class."

"Trying our best won't do much." Gakupo agreed.

 _Yeah…_

 _He might be an octopoid superbeing - not to mention our target - but…_

… _for whatever reason, he's teaching us just like any other teacher would. Likewise, we're perfectly normal students outside of the whole killer thing, but E Class is a little bit different from the rest._

"Oi, Len." Leon called to him, motioning him over to his gang. "Come with us. It's time to put our assassination plan into action."

Len nodded. "Okay."

…

"That octopus's face changes color according to his mood, right?" Leon said. "Did you note down all the variations like I asked?"

"More or less." Len said. "It's striped green when he's feeling confident, as we all know. When we give an incorrect answer, it's dark purple. A correct answer makes it go bright scarlet. But what's really interesting is after lunch, when -"

"I don't need to know all that." Leon interrupted. I have a plan. And at the moment he least expects it, _you_ are going to carry it out."

"M-Me?" Len stammered. "But…"

"Don't be such a goody-goody. We're the E Class - the rejects that failed to keep up at this famous prep school. They call us… the _End_ Class."

"Every day, they send us to this isolated mountaintop campus and discriminate against us in every way like we're scum. You think us losers are ever gonna get another chance to score and cool ten billion yen?"

"We're gonna climb our way out of this shithole…" Leon took an orange pouch out of his pocket, dangling it in front of Len's face. A grenade. "…any way we can." He dropped it into Len's hand.

"Just don't screw up, Len-kun."

 _"I heard Len-kun's headed for E Class."_

 _"Ooh. Well, that's it for him."_

 _"I better delete him from my address book."_

 _"Same. I don't want anybody to think I'm on his level!"_

And suddenly, their octopus of a teacher was back. Holding a missile. "I'm back!"

"H-Hello, sir…" Len stuttered. "What's with the missile?"

"A souvenir. The Self-Defense Force ambushed me over the Sea of Japan."

Len sweatdropped. "I-It must be tough, having everyone after your life."

"Not at all. You know you're truly powerful when everyone has it in for you."

A ding went off in Len's mind. "Now, I do believe it's time for fifth period." he said, slithering back into the classroom.

Len looked down. "Yes, sir."

 _He doesn't understand. If you're everyone's assassination target, that means they all acknowledge your power._

 _A creature like that wouldn't understand what it's like for no one to expect or fear anything from you, or even acknowledge your existence…_

 _"Thanks to you, my evaluation's in the gutter! The only silver lining is I'll never have to see you again."_

 _I might just be able to kill him._

 _After all, this teacher can't see me, either._

…

"All right, then. Compose a short poem to go along with our theme. The final line should be 'was tentacles all along.' Nurufufufufu."

The class was confused. "Huh? 'Was tentacles all along'?" Ring asked.

"Indeed. When you're finished, bring them to me. I'll be looking for proper grammar, and whether you've aptly conveyed the tentacle's beauty."

"An example:

Not the storm of garden's snow

Or flowers moving on

But sprouting there instead

Was tentacles all along."

Interpretation:

[A life lived vividly, powerfully, wasn't a blossom shower

scattering cherry petals in the garden -

it was tentacles.]

"We have to write it was tentacles? Really?" Kaito muttered, resting his head on his hand.

"Once you're done, you're free to go home!" he said.

"Eh?"

"How are we gonna write about _that_?" Yuki complained dubiously.

"Now, now… Aren't any marvelously slithery phrases coming to mind? Slither slither slither slither!" He waved his yellow tentacles around.

"Enough with the slithering!" Luki exclaimed in exasperation.

"Sensei, I have a question!" Gumi said with her hand raised. "Oh, hai, Nakajima-san?"

"It feels weird to only ask this now, but… what's your name?" Gumi asked. "How else are we supposed to refer to you specifically?"

"My… name?" he asked, with a lax pink face.

"Now that you mention it…" Lui said.

"He never did tell us." Miki agreed.

"Hmm… I don't really have the kind of name you tell people." He scratched his head with a tentacle. "Go ahead and give me one."

Luki sweatdropped. "You sure about that?"

"But right now, focus on your schoolwork."

"Hai." Gumi smiled.

"Meanwhile, I'll just take a little break." His face quickly turned into a relaxed pink.

Len looked down. He'd have to do this now. Standing up, he started walking towards the octopus.

"Finished already, Len-kun?"

Leon chuckled. Gumi looked up. Len continued walking in a casual manner, anti-sensei knife hidden behind his notebook.

 _After lunch, right around the time we get sleepy, his face sometimes goes light pink. He was a little slow responding to Nakajima's question, too._

 _That might be when he's at his most vulnerable._

Len resumed his walk, his classmates looking at him in puzzlement, wonder, doubt.

 _We prep-school failures are always thinking, "We gotta get back at 'em somehow."_

 _"We'll show our parents, friends, and teachers that we can do it if we try."_

Len held his notebook tightly, and leaned forward. Unsheathing his knife, he took a swipe, but it was caught in midair.

"Didn't I tell you to be more inventive?"

 _We have to prove ourselves…_

Len wrapped his arms around him.

… _by any meanse necessary._

Strapped to his neck was the grenade. Len only smiled.

From his seat, Leon detonated it. And it exploded into a series of BB pellets, catching the creature off-guard.

"Hell yeah!" Leon shouted.

"We did it!" Bruno said. Gumi covered her mouth. "Len!"

"Ten billion yen! Cha-ching!" Leon and his group sauntered over to the scene.

"Leon!" Kaito exclaimed.

"What have you done?!" Luki asked angrily.

"Hehe, bet he never expected a suicide bomber!" Leon grinned.

"Choto! What'd you give Len?!" Gumi asked in vexation.

"Huh? A toy grenade." Leon answered, like it was the simplest question in the world. "But I beefed it up with gunpowder so it'd shoot three hundred anti-sensei bullets at crazy high speed!"

Gumi gasped. "It's nothin' strong enough to kill human beings, all right? My ten billion yen'll cover his medical bills no prob - eh?"

"He's not hurt? Not even a single burn?" He touched the tissue-like film that enveloped Len. "And what's with this membrane? It's attached to that octopus's corpse?"

"As it happens, I shed my skin about once a month." the now raging octopus said, surprising Leon and his gang.

"I protected Len-kun there by covering him with my old skin." he said, Len simultaneously breaking out of the skin. Leon gulped.

"It's my once-monthly ace-in-the-hole." His eyes flashed red. Len sat there, stupefied.

"Leon, Bruno, Ted." They all shivered in fear.

 _You don't have to look at the color of his face to know. Pitch black! He's_ furious _!_

"You three…"

"are responsible for this, aren't you?"

"N-No!" Ted stuttered.

"It was all Len's idea!" Leon said, cowering in fear.

The now black-faced octopus blasted out the window, grabbing every single one of their house's nameplates.

"The nameplates from our houses?!"

"My agreement with your government prohibits me from harming you. But if you try another assassination like that one…" He held up one of the nameplates.

"I might just harm someone else. Your family, you friends… Maybe I'll kil everyone on the planet _except_ you." He opened his mouth, showing fierce sharp teeth.

 _It only took five seconds for everyone to understand._

 _Nowhere on this planet was safe. Our only escape from this situation… was to kill him!_

"What the hell's your deal, anyway? You're a real pain in the ass!" Leon pointed at the octopus, but his arm was shaking. "Showing up all 'I'm gonna blow up the Earth' and Assassinate me'! What's wrong with using an annoying method to kill an annoying guy?!"

His face suddenly morphed into bright scarlet. "Annoying? Hardly. Your idea itself was a very good one."

"Especially you, Len-kun." He reached a tentacle out to pat him on the head. "The way you carried yourself so naturally on your approach gets full marks from me. You did an excellent job making it past my defenses. However!" He pointed to the three, who froze.

"None of you looked out for Len-kun - not even Len-kun himself. Students like that aren't fit to assassinate anyone." His face turned dark purple with an X. "We need an assassination worth smiling about - one to be proud of! You're all capable assassins who have that power within you."

"Just a few words of advice from your teacher-slash-target."

 _One moment we were being chewed out at Mach 20, and the next we were being praised with waving tentacles._

Len touched his head.

 _It wasn't your average education, but it made me pretty happy. All because this unusual teacher was actually willing to look us in the eye._

Len stood up, and the yellow octopus smiled at him.

 _"If you… If you're willing to give up your time, go teach those children. What splendid tentacles. With hands like these, I'm sure you'll be a splendid teacher."_

"Let me pose you a question, Len-kun. I have not the slightest intention of being killed. I will enjoy my time with you all until next March, and then I will blow up the Earth. If you don't like that idea, what do you plan to do about it?"

Len felt touched. _We've never assassinated anyone before, and there's plenty of other stuff we should be doing._

He balled his hand into a fist. _But you know… I think this teacher might even accept us trying to kill him._

"Before you destroy Earth… I'll kill you." Len said.

"Nurufufufufufufu." The creature's face was striped green again. "Then what are you waiting for? Once you've killed me, you're free to go home!"

"Eh?!" everyone groaned.

"Just like that, huh?"

"You _know_ we can't kill you!"

Len walked back to his seat. _We are killers. And our target…_

… _is our teacher._

"Wipe, wipe, wipe it clean!"

 _"If we shot him now, we'd just get polished like those nameplates!"_

 _"We're never getting out of here!"_

"An unkillable teacher…" Gumi said in thought. "Korosenai for unkillable, and sensei for teacher…"

"Oh! What about Korosensei?"

"Korosensei?" Len asked.

 _So here we are with Korosensei… in our assassination classroom. The bell signals the start of another school day._

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 **So, how'd you guys like that? Review your thoughts, please!**


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